Survival Instincts
by AMessofADreamerx
Summary: Tessaly Clarke knew how to survive. Long before the Turn, she was fighting for her life. As an ER nurse, Tessa thought she could move on from her past but she was in the first wave of people to witness the virus. Survival instincts kicked in & she got her & her infant out of Richmond, VA. But only a couple months later did she realize her mistake & she lost herself in the outcome.
1. Chapter 1

**Survival Instinct**

Legal stuff (?): TRIGGER WARNINGS OF INFANT DEATH, CHILDHOOD ABUSE AND ABANDONMENT, AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS THROUGHOUT.

I DON'T OWN ANY OF THE WALKING DEAD CHARACTERS OR CANON LOCATIONS.

I DO OWN TESSALY AND ARABELLA CLARKE.

Author's note: I love me my Daryl and my OCs lol one of these days I'll write a Rick/OC but today is not that day. I started watching the show about two weeks ago and I'm on season 5. For the most part, this is a continuation from (the last one I watched) episode 15 "Try". Enjoy!

 **CHAPTER ONE  
**

But Tessaly had been wrong. Running for the woods HAD been the way to survive. For a self-efficient human being, not a 5 month old baby. Tess had been so sure they could do it. Arabella could survive on breastmilk. She knew how to hunt. She had been so sure they could do this.

And they had. Tessa didn't think to keep track of the days, and by the time she did, it had been too late. It felt like a couple months, though. She always trusted what she felt. For the good and the bad.

A couple months after the Turn, winter hit. Too much cold air hit Belle's lungs. Too much snow hit Tess' skin. Too much mucus. Too much crying. Too much blood.

Too much winter.

Tessa knew by the way Belle's lungs growled, the heat of her forehead, and the red stained lips that she only had hours, if that, with her life. She held her tight, against the curve of her breast and melting into her soft stomach, till her aching arms turned numb.

Her entire world. Gone.

But, Tessa quickly learned, not quite dead.

Every single night Tessa dreams of holding her baby girl again. A lot of the times, they start innocent. Belle babbling. Tessa laughing. Holding Belle inches from Tessa's face, trying to get her to say, "Mama". She never did. There was always a deep bellied laughter, one that earned Belle another nickname 'Belly'.

"Belly, Belly, Belly…" Tessa would sing song, tickling Belle's tummy.

Then Belle will laugh a little too hard, choking on her own drool, and instead of clear saliva spraying out, it was red. It dripped down her chin. It clotted in her mouth. It caused Belle to gag. It was the beginning of the end.

Every single night Tessa dreamed about stabbing her 6 month old baby girl in the head.

Every single morning Tessa thought about shooting herself in the head.

* * *

 _Survival was stealing. Survival was killing. Survival was ruthless._

What a mantra, but that was Tessa's. Place to place she went, people to people, camp to camp. Everywhere she went, they'd wish she never came. If they had the breath to wish it.

In her first life, she fought hard to forget the 'teachings' of her sociopathic father. In her second life, she realized it wasn't something he had taught her, but it had always been inside her.

When Tessa finally gave into them, it all became so easy.

So much so, she wondered if instead of spending her whole life fighting it, she embraced it, if Belle would still be alive now.

Her sociopathic thoughts told her yes, if she took care of the hospital as she'd been taking care of camps, Belle would be here, but her humanity whispered in the back of her mind that Belle wouldn't have even made it out of the baby daddy's body.

Tessa breathed heavy from her noise, shaking the baby thoughts from her brain. It happened a little too much for her comfort, and sometimes she worried she'd go back to how she was. Weak. Pathetic. Naïve. She focused on brushing her thick hair with her fingers. She was squatting near a tree, preparing for a food run. A lot of the local places have been tapped out, but she had to go for one more sweep before deeming south Alexandria done.

She braided her hair back, wrapping a rubber band around the end. Tessa jumped into a standing position when she heard a twig snap in the distance. She straightened her backpack and pulled her pistol off her belt. Her fingers tingled in anticipation. Yeah, let of steam before she headed out. Make the day all that more enjoyable. She peered out from around her tree, but then paused.

It was a little more than Tessa should deal with. She should run. But she should have done a lot of things in her life.

Tessa jumped out, gun at the ready, and started firing.

"Come at me, mothertruckers!" She cried out and began running backwards, eyes still on the zombies. She glanced behind and saw two trying to get her from behind. Tess quickly switched angles and shot them in the head, back to back, but turning back to the herd, she slipped on leaves.

"Ahhhh!" She screamed, snapping for a second. She felt primitive. Them, beasts. Her, women. Die or be dead. The limb had ripped her top below her black bra, a red line showing its track. One of her arms was still straight out, shooting, and the other pulled the tank top apart the rest of the way. She shrugged it off her shoulders, balled it up, and threw it as hard as she could. The zombies in front of her looked at the crumpled shirt, momentarily distracted.

Tessa took the moment and ran to the sturdiest tree she could find. With a big trunk and thick, low hanging limps. Without a second thought, she climbed a few levels high. She steadiest herself and took her aim.

"Come at me!" Tessa yelled again, with the advantage, and started firing.

* * *

Daryl Dixon had slowed his bike to a stop. He pushed his oily hair out of his eyes and squinted off in the distance. There was a herd of walkers, making a beeline into the woods. They had stumbled upon something… or someone.

Aaron got out of the car. Daryl didn't know his last name, nor did he really care. He was the person who Daryl had to currently trust to have his back and that was that.

Daryl looked back at him. He had that stupid listening device to his ears. The white one with a funnel, that could hear from far away. The thing made Daryl uncomfortable. How much did this guy already know about him without his approval?

It was besides the point right now. Daryl had to focus. Ain't got no time for worrying about that in a middle of a hunt. _Feelings will get you killed_.

"There's a women. Fighting the roamers," Aaron informed, then leaned back in to grab his guns. "We have to try to help."

Daryl chewed the inside of lip, but nodded once. "Yes, we do."

He pulled his bowstring into position and readied an arrow.

With one finger, Daryl motioned towards the wood, and they crept through the woods, silently killing any walkers they passed.

"Come at me, mothertruckers!" The girl yelled and Daryl watched as she took out a line of walkers. He also watched two come up from behind.

Aaron prepared to take aim, but Daryl held up his hand. "Hold," he muttered. He was interested how this was going to play out. If them walkers got close enough to attack, he'll send the arrows himself.

But the girl could handle her own. She twirled around and took them out, but she slipped, and fell into a tree. Shirt got caught. Shirt got ripped.

"Ahhhh!" She yelled, a look flashing her face. A look of completely losing their shit.

"She's a mad women," Aaron whispered from behind him. _Yeah. Yeah, she is_ , Daryl thought, but instead of fear or repulsion, he felt impressed.

She continued fighting but pulled off the remaining material of clothing. Threw it as a distraction. The girl was good. With the walkers momentarily preoccupied, she ran for higher ground, and found it. Climbed a tree.

Yelled again, "Come at me!" Took aim. Fired.

He was mesmerized. Amazed. He thought the girl looked up and caught his eye, but she had no reaction.

"Daryl?" Aaron hissed from next to him.

"No," he snapped back, eyes not leaving the girl.

Then her pistol began to _click, click, click_ instead of _pow, pow, pow_.

Aaron readied himself to help now, but Daryl still shook his head.

"No." It was barely a breath of the word.

The girl took a deep breath then, shielded her gun, and pulled out a knife. Then she jumped.

"Mad women…" Aaron echoed his previous words.

She took the walkers on, stabbing each of their heads. In the longest thirty seconds of Daryl's life, he watched her kill every one. She stood there for a moment, victorious.

Then she threw her hands up and starting screaming again, "WHAT! Told ya to come at me, told ya. TAKE THAT!" The words she was yelling didn't even make sense and she was yelling them the dead.

"Her." The single word escaped his lips before his brain even thought it, "We need her."

She turned towards their direction then and gave a sick smile.

"Ya pervs like the show?" She asked, knife up, and strode towards them.


	2. Chapter 2

**Survival Instincts**

Author's note: goodness, you'll have to bear with typos in this chapter, I'm sure. I just spelled 'author's note' wrong three times… so first off, thank you reading! I'd love for you comment and tell me what you think. This is irrelevant, but I'm sitting in Chick-fil-A right now. I had gotten up to go to the bathroom and left my drink at my table. Came back, and the table is empty, but there's a drink on the railing next to my table. Do you think it's mine? Should I risk poisoning and see? Ugh Idk what to do.

 **CHAPTER TWO**

Tessa wanted to seem threatening but not threatening all at once. She wanted to see what they had, wanted to get them to trust her, but she didn't want them to think they could walk all over her either. There was a fine line and she had to figure out what that line was.

When she started coming over, she had up in defense, but closing in on them, she dropped it to her side. Also, as soon as she began coming her way, dude on the left brought up a bow, and the dude on the right brought up a shotgun. Tessa knew better than to bring a knife into a gun fight.

"Hi! Hi, I'm Aaron." The dude on the right was the first to lower his weapon. He had dark gray pants and a plaid shirt—all relatively clean. He had a wide eyed innocence to him. Tessa wanted to shove a walker to his face and wipe that look right off his face.

There was an awkward silence that other left dude or Tessa should have said something in, but neither did. Nor did he put down his bow. It was still aimed directly to her skull.

Aaron sighed and elbowed the other dude in the side. "You're the one who wanted to give her the sale's pitch."

He grunted and the bow moved from Tessa's head to her neck, before finally being brought down to his side.

"Daryl."

She cocked her head them, trying to read them… trying to think quick. A name wouldn't hurt. "I'm Tessa."

"Good! Good do meet you, Tessa! Uh, let's see…" Aaron trailed off, letting his gun rest at his back. He looked over at Daryl again, who had an impassive face, but a steady gaze at Tessa. "Okay, maybe you weren't the best for this job," he sighed.

Tessa sheathed her knife too. She could use her hands if she needed to. "Why didn't you help me with the zombies?"

" _Zombies_?" Aaron choked out a laugh. "Actually haven't heard that one in a long time."

She shrugged. "I call it what it is," she answered.

Still chuckling, he replied, "That's actually a really good question. You gotta ask Daryl over here, who seems to have lost the ability to speak."

Both eyes fell on Daryl and he shrugged. "Knew you could handle it," he answered, "Why waste our bullets?"

"Yeah, just waste all of mine. I see how it is," Tessa retorted back, brushing back some flyaway hair from her eyes.

They both caught side of a more heavily concentrated patch of blood on her right arm, then doubled back up to her face. Under zombie guts and dirt, she did have another patch.

"Them bit you?" Daryl asked, squinting at her face, then up and down her body. He was trying to check every detail for any other signs, but all he looked like was someone who needed glasses.

Tessa snorted. "You'd think I'd get bit and just stand here like nothing happened? No."

"What happened to your face? Your arm?" He continued. She was silent, debating on whether to tell the truth or not. She wasn't sure how Daryl was taking the silence, but he switched his bow for his backpack. Squatting on the ground, he began rummaging around for something.

"A while back I had this genius idea to sleep in the trees. Zombies can't reach, can't climb, right? It was good. One night I settled in, but I screwed up. I didn't tie the knot properly and I fell out in my sleep," She finally answered. "And what happened in result is displayed before you!" She spread out her arms, as if encouraging Daryl and Aaron to look.

"It is a good idea," Daryl mumbled, standing back up. He had a bandana and a plastic bottle of something in his hands. Awareness of the situation seemed to truly dawn on him then and he suddenly averted his eyes. Tessa looked over at Aaron, he still kept his unwavering on hers.

"Hold this," Daryl said, thrusting his bow and backpack to Aaron, and placing the items in his hands down. Then he shrugged off his outer vest and handed it over to Tess.

She slowly took it, her hands enjoying the smooth leather. "Thanks," Tessa mumbled this time, before putting it on. She began buttoning the front closed.

"How many people have you killed?" Daryl asked, seemingly out of the blue. She saw Aaron shoot him a look at this question, too.

"Excuse me?" Tessa really didn't like the direction this was going. Should she tell the truth and scare them or should she wait a little bit longer? There had to more of them. Aaron didn't look so clean for no reason.

"How many people have you killed? And why?" Daryl repeated himself, slowly as if she was the stupid one.

For some reason, Tessa looked away. Actually killing someone is one thing, but telling someone you did it is another, and no one's ever asked. He waited. He stood still and waited for Tess to answer. Aaron stared wide eyed between her and Daryl.

"A lot," she finally blurted and she felt like kicking herself. Why was that so hard to answer? No one's life but her own mattered.

"Why?"

"Damnit," Tessa muttered, looking back at the ground. Committing the sin and admitting the sin. Why was only one so easy? "So I could live."

"Do you think you could make it to 'so we could live'?" Aaron finally spoke, and this time Daryl shot him a look.

"I-" Tessa began. Why were they asking so many questions? Why DIDN'T the other groups ask these questions? "Yeah, I think I could." She sounded so earnest even to her ears… and she knew why. She allowed herself for one second believe she really actually could. She's walking on the edge here.

"Have you even been part of a group?" Daryl asked, taking back the role of interrogator. This time his head was cocked and he _was_ truly trying to figure her out.

She paused before answering, but she was still being honest. "No."

Daryl was silent for a moment, his tongue rolling on the inside of his lip as he thought. "Okay."

"Okay!?"

"Okay?"

Aaron and Tess repeated him at the same time. Aaron in disbelief and Tessa in confusion.

"There's a camp. Less than half a day from here. We're heading back in the morning," Daryl began to explain. "It's… real. Houses and microwaves and shit."

Despite the fact Tessa's admitted to killing, just to save herself, she's been offered a group? 'With houses and microwaves and shit'?

Aaron seemed to be having the same idea. "Daryl, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Daryl glared back at him for a second, but conceded with a slight nod.

Tessa truly couldn't hide her disbelief.

* * *

"Are you sure about this? She has some weird vibes, man," Aaron asked when they were out of earshot.

"I know," he answered, but didn't answer his question. Daryl wasn't sure about this. He bit his lip again.

"I know," he repeated, getting his thoughts in order to explain. "She's, like, wild… feral-like."

"Do you think you can… _tame_ her?"

"C'mon, man. She's not an animal. She's human. Flesh and blood and I just _feel_ she needs to be given a chance," Daryl answered. _Feelings will get you killed_. Truth be told, he saw what he could have been without this group when looking at her. "Lead her around lil' bit tomorrow. See how she does."

"I know I don't see women the way you do, but I understand your attraction to her and-" Aaron tried to explain it away, but Daryl's scowl was enough to cut him off. "I'm just saying." However, he didn't finish his thought.

"Okay, fine, but as we do this, think about Carl. Think about Judith. Think if you'd trust her around them," Aaron finally agreed. With one final look at Daryl, with one final _are you sure_ question on his face, he lead both of back to where Tessa was.

Who was building a roamer barricade.

"This is a really good tree," She announced upon their arrival. "And if we stay close to the zombies, it'll help us out just a little bit more."

He clearly didn't want to admit it, but Aaron nodded. "Yeah. Good idea!"

* * *

Tessa sat with her back against the tree and watched as Daryl and Aaron made a fire. With some wood, dry leaves, and a lighter. She wish it'd been this easy for her in the beginning.

Aaron still looked like a man who wouldn't get his hands dirty. Yes, there may be currently literal deep in his fingernails, but the way he rolled up his sleeves so perfectly just really bothered Tess. It was petty, she was sure, but it bothered her nonetheless.

Once the fire was going, Daryl pulled out two squirrels from his bag, and quietly began to skin one. Not surprisingly to Tessa at all, Aaron had settled down by the fire, but didn't give an attempt to help prepare dinner.

She sighed and pulled out her knife. She took a second to clean it and then grabbed the second squirrel and began digging in. Daryl eyes glanced up at her, but didn't say a word, and nor did she.

They skinned their animals in silence.

* * *

"So, Daryl, with his bow and arrow thing, and brooding personality, I could totally see as a hunter. You… not so much," Aaron said a little while later, as they poked at their squirrel meat.

"What do I look like to you?" Tessa asked, not knowing yet whether she should be offended or not.

"Something else totally badass, just not a hunter," He answered, but a little too quickly. Anxious that she had taken what he said the wrong way, it seemed. She still didn't know whether she should be mad or not. She didn't really feel like being anything right now.

They were just two guys, but Tessa already felt like she was on a people overload. And these guys were just… different. They asked her questions. They listened to her. And they accepted it…? Tess still wasn't so sure on the last one.

So, she didn't say anything.

"I could see it," Daryl suddenly spoke out. Tessa looked over at him, his chin shiny with the cut of his squirrel. He didn't look at her and he still had his mouthful, but he continued on anyways. "It wasn't for fun, though, was it? You _had_ to learn?"

Tessa took a deep breath, again not liking where their conversations were going. "Yeah."

Daryl just nodded, once. They fell back into silence.

Tessa wiped her face on her arm, and it reminded her she was wearing Daryl's vest. It also reminded her of the dried blood on her arm and no doubt her face.

"Reminds me…" Daryl muttered, standing up and looking around. He located whatever he was looking for and walked towards it. He bent down and said, "Alcohol and a bandana. Need to clean those cuts."

She pursed her lips. She really did, but she really didn't want to accept anything more from them. She didn't owe them nothing… but Tessa was worried one day she might convince herself she did.

But she really did need to clean her wounds. There were chunks of dirt and grass and if she moved her mouth too big, the dried blood pulled her skin.

Tessa threw the final bone she had into the words and wiped her hands on her jeans. Daryl handed the supplies over and she worked on cleaning herself up.

* * *

She was cleaned up and her cuts currently taken care of, and Tessa was really starting to feel tired. It was an ache that she hadn't felt in a very long time, like she might actually enjoy sleep tonight. Until the inevitable nightmares, that is.

Tessa wondered if it was because she was sleeping with a group tonight. It'd been quite a few months since she heard someone else's breath. Her brain was trying to tell her body not to relax, not to feel safe, but her heart wanted this. _No_ , she told her heart, _I'm just going to get to their camp and take their stuff_. If they knew that, Tess wouldn't've been safe.

"Should get some rest," Daryl announced at some point. She didn't know when, just that her head had lolled back against the tree. "I got watch."

"Thanks," Aaron said and brought his backpack near him. He laid down as if it was a backpack.

Tessa stood up and began climbing the trunk, feeling eyes on her as she pulled herself toward the lowest branch.

"You don't have to do that," Daryl said, hesitantly. "I'm keepin' watch.

Tess knew he had a point, so she jumped back down, and mimicked Aaron, but pulled out her fur pelt blanket before laying down on it like a pillow. She covered herself and tried to relax. The heavy fur was weirdly provided her with comfort.

"Is that… a bear?" Aaron asked, sitting up on his elbow. "Did you kill a bear and take its fur and make a blanket with it!?"

"I ate it too. For a good long while. It actually went bad," Tessa answered, a hint of pride accidentally popped in.

Aaron laid back down, with an amazed expression on his face. "Wow."

After that, the night took over. Bugs and frogs and owls. The crackling of the fire. The breathing of two other living beings next to her.

Tessa liked it.

But she found she couldn't sleep. Her eyes were so tired but they stared unblinkingly to the starry sky.

And then there was a snap barely five feet away from her head. She sat straight up, her knife already pulled from its sheath, but before Tessa could turn around to see what it was, there was a whizzing sound beside her, and then a thump. There was hissing, but not anything like a zombie noise.

It was a possum.

"Lunch?" She put in, weakly. She didn't lay back down. Tess was eying the tree Daryl was leaning on.

"We be eating like kings," Daryl replied with a small smile, before adding, "And queens."

Tessa returned the smile, but didn't say anything more. Her eyes had begun to burn.

Finally, Daryl sighed and scooted away from the trunk. "Go ahead."


	3. Chapter 3

**Survival Instincts**

Author's note: thanks for the love! I was trying to post sooner but between work, concerts, and sickness, it just ended up not happening. Now I'm in the surgical waiting room, waiting for my brother to get out of surgery, and this is the first time I've been forced to just DO. NOTHING. Especially since where I was sitting in the waiting room had plants all around, causing a headache and my eyes to itch (there is a "Hospitality Computer Room" that I'm now in). Hope you like it! Please please please review and let me know! PS. I'm now on season six, episode six!

 **CHAPTER THREE**

It was only a few hours later that Tessa woke up with a start. She'd been holding her baby girl again… Tess tried to shake the memories/nightmares out of her mind, before cracking her neck and looking down, suddenly remembering she wasn't alone. Aaron was still asleep by a dampening fire and Daryl leaned against the trunk of her tree but had glanced up at her sudden movement.

Quietly, she untied herself and climbed down.

"I'll take watch," Tessa said quietly, stretching her arms and twisting her back, causing a few pops down her spine. She hasn't slept longer than a few hours at once in a very long time… probably mostly because she insists on sleeping in a tree every night.

"That's okay, I got it," Daryl answered, but Tess sat next to him nonetheless.

"You should sleep." She leaned back against the trunk as well.

"I'm fine," he muttered back, though he had to pull himself up a little bit to set up straight.

"Do you not trust me?" Tessa asked, not sharply. Just curiously.

Daryl turned to her then. "No. I don't," he replied, catching her eyes.

"Good." She didn't let them go. He was different than those she's encountered before. He was smart.

"Yeah."

"Tell me about your group. How many?" She asked this, but instead of wondering about their possessions, she genuinely wondered about the people. Tess pulled the rubber band out of her and shook her braid free.

"Shouldn't _you_ sleep?" Daryl responded, purposefully not answering the question yet.

"I'm at my daily quota," she answered, much more softly than she intended. Tess knew she would never tell him about her nightmares, never tell him about her daughter, but she knew her tone still told him more than she had ever wanted to.

He just grunted. Acknowledging her, she supposed. She really didn't know. Tessa never knew had to decipher grunts… she wished she did, then perhaps she would have known what nights her dad was going to be in a mood.

"Well, no use in both of us sitting here. Sun'll be out soon. I'll see what I can find for the road," Tess said, standing up and wiping the dirt off her butt with her hands. Daryl watched every movement, as if she was going to strike out at him at any second.

But he relaxed against the tree and grunted again, just it was a lighter one, borderlining a "hm". She looked down at him and could almost imagine he looked impressed.

"I'll be close by. Whistle if you need me," and then she unshielded her blade as she walked away.

* * *

Tessa wasn't sure about Aaron yet, there was still a slight innocence that bugged her, but she couldn't help but think Daryl got it. Got this life and got the sacrifices you had to make to survive. She also couldn't think it was because he was thrown into this life after the Turn. She just felt like it had been his life before this shitstorm.

She'd been totally envious of Daryl's bow and arrow. Tess wasn't sure what she was going to catch this morning with an empty pistol and a knife, but she wasn't going to try, and weirdly… she wanted to catch something. Not just for food, but to impress these two new guys. To really impress just one of them… Tessa shook her head, taking a deep breath. No, she was doing this for herself. She was doing this so SHE could survive, not for anything or no one else.

No matter how different Aaron and Daryl are from the rest of them.

Nothing can change. _Survival was stealing. Survival was killing. Survival was ruthless._

But these guys didn't seem so and these guys were definitely different.

Tessa held on so tight to her motto that it scared her to let it go. It scared her that she had been wrong… it scared her that she might have to one day voice all the things she's done for the name of survival. It scared her one day that she would realize that she didn't do it for survival… she did it for herself, for instant gratification.

She had to prove it to them, Tess suddenly thought. She was doing this to prove it to them that she wasn't inferior. There was no situation they'd win against her. She refocused her mind to the hunt. Closing her eyes, Tessa took a deep breath and held for a second, listening far into the woods, and then let the air escape through her nose. She repeated the meditation a couple times.

When she opened her eyes again, she didn't feel connected to her body. She felt more connected to the air around her. Tess listened, hearing snaps of branches and leave crunching in the distance. It was a little too heavy to be an animal, but it was still a little bit off. Before she could think more about that, a rustling began closer to her. Not moving her feet, she looked towards the direction of the sound, gripping the knife in her hand. Whatever this was, it wasn't heavy and the only noise it was making was the rustling of stepping on top of soft leaves. A second later, a squirrel scurried into view, scavenging the ground for food. Doing exactly what Tess was doing… doing exactly what the zombies were doing.

Tess brought up her hand and aimed her knife. Throwing knives had been a game shared between her dad and herself… when he brought her outside and threw it into the nearest tree, her anxieties always melted away. She could force herself into the moment and not worry what was to come. She just knew her dad was not mad. And that made her happy.

She tossed the knife, landing more in the neck than she had hoped, but it was enough. She grabbed it and moved on.

* * *

Tess figured the heavy crunching in the distance was a zombie coming her way and she was right. A few squirrels later, it caught up to her, but before she went to stab it in the head, something on its face caught her eye. There was a 'W' carved into it. It wasn't the first time she'd seen this, but it was the first time she'd seen it knowing new people. Instead of killing it, she grabbed it by the hair and sawed the head off with her knife. It wasn't made for that, but it was decomposing in such a way it didn't really matter. She was able to yank it off the rest of the way.

As soon as she did this, she realized she did it thoughtlessly. She had forgotten she wasn't in her own shirt and in that soft leather vest Daryl had let her borrow. Tessa knew she had blood on her face and arms, but she was more concerned with the way it splattered on the vest. She didn't think he'd be very happy about it. While she knew he could hold his own with a knife, Tess knew he often took the zombies out with an arrow. Didn't often make for blood on the shirt. The vest was grimy with dirt.

She didn't know why she cared so much about this, but she had to force the guilt down. There had been a reason why she did this. She wanted to show it to them. She wanted to know what they knew.

Her squirrels were in a bag around her left shoulder. A mini fur sown bag she'd created for the purpose of holding meat that if not in use was tugged away in her bigger backpack she got off of the back of a man she killed. Tess carried the head by its hair with her right hand. It chopped into empty hair the entire way back.

It wasn't very much of a trek back. She made sure she stayed close, but it had only been an hour, if that, since she left. Both Daryl and Tessa expected her to be away longer.

The scene was the same as when she left. It didn't look like anyone had moved. Tess dropped her meat bag next to the fire, then brought the zombie head to Daryl's face.

"Wha-" Daryl yelled, scooting away. He raised his bow at her.

Tessa sighed, "I thought we were passed this." She held her hands up nonetheless, the zombie going crazy in her hand.

"That was before you held a chomping walker head to my face," He replied. The bow was on complete aim on HER head.

"Do you see the 'W'? I just wanted to show you the 'W'," She explained, as Aaron rustled from the ground beside her. He suddenly stood up at the view before him. "Look, just look."

Daryl shook his head. "We've seen it," he said, and Tessa nodded.

"Okay, good," Tessa responded. She then, very slowly, reached for the knife in her sheath, and brought the head down. She stabbed it, getting all the blood on her jeans this time.

Aaron cleared his throat before sighing. "Why didn't you do that to begin with?" he asked, rubbing his head.

She shrugged nonchalantly, though wondering the same thing. Tess swallowed when she realized it was subconsciously meant to intimidate them. After all the thought of liking them, this is what she reverts back to. Maybe this is all she is.

"A flare for the dramatics," Daryl muttered, finally lowing the bow aimed to her head.

Tessa walked outside of their little pit, throwing the head as far away as she could.

When she returned, Daryl was settling where Aaron had just been. Aaron was sitting at the tree.

"Sorry about your vest," Tessa still said, though, despite her raging emotions about this whole situation.

Daryl looked at her, before laying back on his arm. "It happens," he answered, but then he sighed, and weirdly enough it caused Tess' heart to twist.

He got back up and rummaged around in his bag, before pulling out a cloth. It was a bandana.

"Here," Daryl muttered, reaching it out to her. "For your face."

She could only stand there for a moment, surprised by the gesture. Daryl looked away again, seeing that it was affecting her.

"It's just a bandana," He said, clearly not sure how to get the look of shock and emotion off her face.

Tessa shook her head. "Sorry, yeah. You're right. Thanks," she finally replied, grabbing the cloth. She sat down next to the fire pit. It was nearly out.

"About the… about the 'W'?" Tessa put out, trying to get herself back together. _It's just a bandana_ … God, she's an idiot. Don't look into it. It's just a bandana.

"Not a clue," Aaron answered, before adding, "You?"

"Nope. Just seen it around," Tessa responded, before falling silent, trying to think about the marked zombies, rather than her reaction to the bandana.

It stayed silent.

Daryl laid back down. There was only an hour or two before the sunrise.

* * *

Sorry, not a lot going on in this chapter! I wrote a little bit more, what I was writing felt like it was going to be and needed to be a chapter itself. That means it won't be very long till the next chapter because it's already partially written!


	4. Chapter 4

Author's note: well, it's been quite a few weeks. So thankful for your follows and faves! It's made everything a bit better. I've watched an entire season (and I'm coming on a half…) of TWD since I last posted… Glenn and Abraham :,,,,,( and just now, Olivia! But I have a good idea how this fic is going now!

 **CHAPTER FOUR**

By sunrise, Tessa had tied the bloodstained bandana to her wrist. She was sure Daryl wouldn't want it back with the guts on it and she was sure she would need it again.

She knew a little more about the community now. There were quite a bit of people. Quite a bit of room… pretty much untouched by the apocalypse. Aaron's lips were slightly too lose and Tess didn't know if she trusted herself with the information. The hope and chance these two men gave her… it was tingling in her feet.

It was pretty uneventful, only coming across a handful of zombies. Aaron tried to do small talk, Daryl was silent, and Tess questioned herself the entire way. They lead her through the woods before they turned around again and switched directions. She wondered if they knew she noticed, if it was purposeful. She knew they couldn't be lost. Were they still testing her? All these talks of hope and redemption, but they were still cautious and careful? Tessa didn't know how much longer she could fool them.

The woods grew slightly less thick and they found themselves back on the road. Off to the side were a small car and a pile of brush, which Daryl strolled over to and uncovered a motorcycle.

Tess tried to fight the wave of memories that gave her.

"You're still testing me," she commented, following the men towards the vehicles.

"What makes you say that?" Aaron asked, opening the driver's side door.

"We were going north and then we went back south, to here," Tess answered, but her eyes weren't on Aaron. They were trying not to look at the motorcycle but failing.

"Yeah, we're still testing you," Daryl said, before adding, "Because you're still testing us." He pulled the bike into a standing position and dragged it onto the road.

She felt like the testing was coming close to the end with the location of their transportation revealed. Tess looked really hard at Daryl then, who went to avoiding her eyes to holding them fast.

"You're still not in the clear, but we ain't the only one making the decisions here. You'll have to make one too," Daryl told her.

His face was hard, but he talked of a home. He came and went. He had one foot and one foot out. He did both… could she? _If they found out you're a psychopath, it wouldn't be much of a choice._

"Out here brings out the worse in people. We get that. But take that away and it shows who you really are," Aaron put in.

"But if you cross us… you won't come out of it alive," Daryl warned, mounting the motorcycle.

Tessa didn't respond. She wanted to give in. She didn't want to be a psychopath… she didn't want to be her father. But it's the only reason she's alive and it's the only reason Arabella isn't. She looked away from Daryl, she couldn't take his hardened face. His one foot in and the other foot out.

But Tessa was sure what kind of people they were. They were the kind she wanted to be.

"I want this," Tess admitted, and even they could tell the admission hurt.

"Then we'll help you have it, if you help us protect it," Aaron replied. Any look of innocence she thought she saw earlier, disappeared. It was a choice.

She was going to choose this. Tess nodded, "I will."

* * *

Aaron sat in the driver's seat and started the car. The door slammed shut, but the window was open. Tessa walked around the front of the car, intending to get in, but the bike caught her eye, and the dam broke.

The memories flooded her and all she could do is laugh bitterly. Daryl turned back to glare at her.

Despite herself, she explained, "My daddy had one of them. You woulda thought it was birthed out of my mother… you woulda thought by the way he treated it, he would know how to treat his own daughter. Nah." The laugh was more like a bark. "Nah. One time in high school, my boyfriend convinced me to take it out for a joyride. I knew Daddy would be pissed, but I also knew I was getting a beating that night anyways. Thought _'might as well make it count'_. It did. I never tasted freedom till that moment. It felt better to deserve the beatings. Made more sense, I guess..."

Daryl was quiet, but Tessa knew he wasn't just processing it. She could tell he got it. His mouth worked, fighting internally over something.

Finally, he said, "Them little bars on the back tire… you can put your feet there."

Tessa nodded once, knowing not to let on to the raging emotions in her chest. She mounted, trying to loosen her tense bones as she rested against Daryl's back. However, even as she wrapped her arms around his chest, her stiff body wouldn't rest.

"My boyfriend was scared shitless, just by the look of my daddy's face," Tessa chuckled in his ear before they took off. "Well, he wasn't my boyfriend after that. He was scared shitless and I was beat shitless. Being shitless doesn't make for good company."

"Ain't that the truth," Daryl muttered, his back vibrated with his voice, vibrated her heart.

Tess took a deep breath and Daryl pumped the pedals, before driving away.

* * *

Tessa wondered if Daryl could feel her increasing heart rate. The longer they traveled, the faster it got. Aaron and Daryl cared about these people and she was starting to worry she'd get them all killed.

The terrain began changing from thick, wet woods to open, dry fields to deserted, dead suburbs. They ignored most of the zombies in the road and this neighborhood was no different, but they weren't the only thing to look at anymore.

It was a ghost town… holes in houses, burnt roofs, open doors, cracked window. Too caught up in the story of these old homes, she hadn't noticed the tall fence till they began slowing down.

There was a figure standing near a gate, on a platform. To keep watch, Tess assumed, but he wasn't looking at their direction. His back was to them.

"Hey!" Daryl yelled up, and the man finally turned around. His eyes widened.

The guy disappeared from view, but Tessa now understood what had taken his attention. There were shouts in the distance.

The gate swung open and they came inside, quickly parking to the side. Daryl and Aaron began running towards the source. Tessa followed close behind.

Her head was swarming. She couldn't make out much of what these guy with curly hair was yelling, but she did make out the pistol swinging around in his hand.

He looked unhinged. There was a beaten and bloodied man unconscious next to him. There were cries of "Dad!" and "Rick, stop!" but he was a madman.

Then suddenly a woman with dark skin and dreadlocks pushed her way through the crown, pulling out a sword from her back, and clocking him on the head.

Rick crumpled to the ground.

It was so silent in the street. A circle of people stood speechless around the man.

The women with the sword made the first move. She and a short older women exchanged words.

Finally, a few people went over to Rick, and Daryl joined them. Tessa followed behind, but she tried not to overcrowd.

"He was beating his wife," a timid looking woman was saying, but her eyes flashed anger. She had white short hair.

"Dad lost it," a teenage boy said in disbelief. He had long brown hair and a cowboy hat.

"What did you do that for?" Daryl hissed at the dark-skinned women when she returned.

She looked pissed for being questioned. "He was out of control! Couldn't you see that!?"

"If that bastard was beating his wife-" Daryl snapped back, eyes burning. Tessa didn't know what he was going to say, but she was sure she would agree with him.

"We'll deal with it," the women cut her off. "Deanna says to put him in the house over there. Someone needs to keep watch. There will be a meeting tonight to discuss it."

"A meeting," Daryl retorted but didn't say anything more.

Tessa sighed, looking down at Rick. There was bright red blood dripping from cuts along his face and his cheek was beginning to swell.

Daryl and Aaron made to move him, but Tessa put a hand on each of their shoulders. "Wait, let me make sure he should be moved like that."

"Who are you?" It was the women with the sword asking, her hand firm on the handle of it. She moved in front of Tessa's view, blocking her from him.

"I'm a nurse. I'm Tessa. If he has a concussion or hurt his neck, you're going to need something to stable his head before you move him," She answered, dropping her backpack to her heads. The sword went up into a defending position. "I'm just getting a flashlight. I just want to check his eyes… and then I could stitch up some of those wounds."

"You didn't tell us you was a nurse," Daryl commented from beside her, but she didn't look to see his expression.

"You didn't tell me what you were before either," Tessa snapped back, feeling indignant she was suddenly being questioned about this, but it had surprised her how fast her mind reverted back to nurse mode. Maybe there was hope for her yet. Maybe her dad's sociopathic tendencies weren't as natural as she thought.

"Let her, Michonne," Aaron said from behind Tess.

"Fine, but one wrong move..." Michonne threatened, before moving out of the way.

Tessa took a breath as she got her flashlight, but her hands weren't even shaking. For once, her heartbeat was steady.

She knelt down and pulled up his eyelids, checking his pupils. They dilated fine. On closer inspection of his face, only one of the cuts needed stitches. The rest could get away with butterfly strips.

"Okay. That cut by his forehead could use some stitches," Tessa informed. "Do you have medical supplies?"

"We can get some," a new female voice commented, but Tess didn't look at her. The older women who had been talking to Michonne came towards them.

"Who are you?" She asked. She breathed a little heavy, but her voice was mostly calm. Tess could tell she wished she wasn't here.

"Tessa."

"And you're a nurse?"

She answered with a quick nod.

"Can you look at this man, Pete, too? He's kinda our doctor and now he's the one needing medical help," Deanna asked, pointing down to the bloodied man next to Rick.

Tessa didn't even hesitate when she answered, "No."

Deanna pursed her lips. "But what about your code of ethics?"

"I have my own code now," Tessa answered, not breaking the glare. "I don't save people who deserve to die anymore."

"Do you realize I'm the leader of this community? You're not making a very good first impression with me right now," Deanna replied, sounding exasperated.

"Neither are you."

"I think the past couple of minutes have been very stressful," a new voice joined the circle around the two unconscious men. She broke the glare between Tessa and Deanna. "I think Rick should go into isolation with a guard, like Deanna suggested, and Tessa will be our responsibly till the morning. Pete will be taken care of. I'll make sure of it," the last part was directed towards the older women.

Deanna let out a weighted sigh. "You're right, Maggie," she said. Then she touched Tessa's arm to get her attention in a more gentler way, but it startled her and Tessa flinched. Graciously, Deanna ignored her reaction and added, "This isn't the homecoming people generally get. With a little rest, we'll all be in better moods in the morning, and we'll get to know each other a little bit better then, Tessa."

Tessa nodded and replied, "Thanks." It was a more little sharp than she attended, but she was trying hard to smooth the edge she felt from the physical contact. She watched as Maggie squeezed Deanna's arm and told her to go get some rest.

She turned away from the two of them, trying to find Daryl and Aaron, currently the only one that had a pinch of her trust. They were helping another man to get Rick to the unfinished house he was sent to.

Tess followed quietly behind.


End file.
